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Your
Dog's New Year Resolutions
Source
Unknown
- I will
not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
- I will
believe that the garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
- I do
not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the
coffee table.
- I will
not roll my toys behind the fridge.
- I must
shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
- I will
not eat the cats' food, before, or after, they eat it.
- I will
stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of carpet in the
house when I am about to throw up.
- I will
not throw up in the car.
- I will
not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
- I will
not consider the litter box as a cookie jar.
- I will
not wake up Mommy by putting my cold, wet nose on her bottom
end.
- I will
not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
- I will
not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my
people will think that I am hemorrhaging.
- When
in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down
when it's raining outside.
- I will
not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is
sitting on the toilet.
- We do
not have a doorbell. Therefore, I will not bark each time I hear
one on the television.
- I will
not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard
with them.
- I will
not use the sofa as a face towel. Not Mom & Dad's laps either.
- I will
remember that my head does not belong in the refrigerator.
- I will
not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's
license and car registration.
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